lox and other meat products

9:10am



Me: (hovering over my bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon)

Receptionist: (peering at my meal) Is that Salmon?

Me: Yes...

Receptionist: I've never had it before but it looks like ham.



Last night, prior to leaving, well after everyone else in the office, I accidentally moved the dial on the radio while shutting it off. It wound up on a lite-easy listen-rock-pop station -- a far cry from the pop r&b and hip hop station i am forced to suffer through every morning.



I've been waiting to see how long these women go without needing to hear "...boots with the fur..."



Me: I've been to the emergency room over a dozen times.

Coworker: One time my eyes were bothering me so bad I had to go to the hospital

Me: Oh my god..

Coworker: Yea! and I was scared because I couldn't see so I had my mother come with me. So we wait and the doctor calls us in and he goes 'Oh your mother doesn't need to come...' but I insisted because, well, I couldn't see!

Me: I hear you, I hear you. So what did it end up being?

Coworker: Well, he turns to me and goes 'By any chance, did you allow a man to ejaculate in your eyes recently?'

Me: No way!

Coworker: For real! and there was my mother screaming at me "WHAT ARE YOU LETTING MEN DO TO YOU!" First, that shit never happened, secondly, who goes to the hospital full-well knowing that you've got cum in your eye.

Me: Who allows that anyway?