Searched and Seized

About a month ago, I ordered my boss business cards, and then, completely forgot about them.

Yesterday he asked me where they were. Upon my investigation I was confronted with this, from the UPS tracking website:

1/8/08 - Secaucus, NJ -


7:30am - PKG DELAY-ADD'L SECURITY CHECK BY GOV'T OR OTHER AGENCY- BEYOND UPS CONTROL


7:36am - ARRIVAL SCAN


8:30am - THE PACKAGE IS DELAYED DUE TO EMERGENCY CONDITIONS BEYOND UPS' CONTROL

Hmmm. Emergency Conditions? If I was ordering petroleum, I think I'd be more understanding, but business cards...?

What in the hell was going on? What exactly had I ordered?! I called the business card website main office:

"Hi, I ordered a package of business cards on the 3rd and haven't received them yet. When I checked UPS tracking website, it told me the government had it."

Woman on the line "Oh, you're like the 2nd person to tell me this has happened to them. We have no idea why this is happening."

"Oh? Um. That's strange..." and reassuring...

"Yea, I'm just going to send out the cards again, hopefully it'll get there this time!" She chortles.
And for some reason, an obvious one, I become concerned for her lack of concern. Isn't she curious why a supposed box of business cards has been inspected not once but twice by a government or some other agency? What was in those cards?! And what could this other agency be? My paranoid conspiracy theorists-self that I surpress while sober starts peeking her head out, examining the situation.

Then I had to relay this information to my boss. We consorted over what could have possibly been in the package to cause such a stir and delay:

"Anthrax!"
"Maybe it's some dissolving warfare chemical that if we inhale we die."
"Drug trafficking via business card website cover."
"What did you actually order, Claire?"
"Um... business cards! I swear!"

This morning, I checked my tracking order on the UPS site. The package is expected to be here today (yea right!) according to the page, it's still in California departure scanned and all. I will keep updated about the whereabouts and the like.

UPDATE

This is only because I'm an asshole:

Dear Prints Made Easy,

Although I have already called to express my concern about the package of business cards being held for extreme conditions beyond UPS's control, I have a question about semantics. You say under status "guaranteed arrival" of today January 18th. However, under the UPS tracking page, it says that it is arriving ONTIME on January 21st. This makes your use of Guaranteed incorrect. For better quality and assurance, you may want to have the two dates connect.


Why did I do this? Because I could.


Moments later, I received a response:


Hi Claire,

I am sorry. You are correct; the dates should match. They are on the way. I do apologize for the delay and inconvenience.

Thank You,
Customer Service


Have I won? Not entirely, but I can see the finish line.